CACHE POISONING
Targeted ads know about the thing you thought about once
We saw that hover
URGENT
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
404: Meaning not found. Continue anyway?
REVISED
METRICS POISONING
The number going up doesn't mean what you think it means
FINAL WARNING
SOCIAL CAUTION
Seen at 2:47 AM. Response time under surveillance.
v3.14.592
ETERNAL SEPTEMBER
It's always someone's first day on the internet
Welcome, again
EXPIRES NEVER
MORTALITY REMINDER
This account may outlive you. Plan accordingly.
ATTENTION THEFT
This notification is stealing 4.7 seconds of your finite life
DIGITAL HOARDING
30,000 photos. You look at 5.
Storage full. Again.
URGENT
FORMAT OBSOLETE
Remember Flash? Your content doesn't.
REVISED
IDENTITY CRISIS
Profile picture does not match current reality
Taken 5 years ago
FINAL WARNING
QUANTUM WARNING
This content exists in superposition until observed
v3.14.592
LOADING ERROR
Buffering... but your life continues at normal speed
EXPIRES NEVER
TRACKING NOTICE
This interaction will be stored for 7-∞ years
FILTER BUBBLE
Reality may differ from your personalized experience
UNCANNY VALLEY
This AI response feels almost human. Almost.
URGENT
EXISTENTIAL DANGER
Your 2007 status update still exists somewhere
Digital permanence guaranteed
REVISED
SHADOW PROFILE
You don't have an account, but we have your data
FINAL WARNING
FOCUS HAZARD
Multitasking is a myth. You're just doing everything badly.
v3.14.592
PERFORMANCE NOTICE
You are now performing your own life. Audience awareness is permanent.
EXPIRES NEVER
AMBIENT ANXIETY
Background radiation includes 47 unread notifications
DEAD INTERNET
This reply guy might be three bots in a trench coat
DEPENDENCY INJECTION
Cannot function without external validation service
Service currently unavailable
URGENT
VOID WARRANTY
Staring into the feed voids warranty on existence
REVISED
COGNITIVE HAZARD
Reduces attention span to goldfish levels. Results may vary.
8 seconds and counting
FINAL WARNING
CONTEXT SWITCHING
17 tabs open. 0 thoughts complete.
v3.14.592
MUSCLE MEMORY
Your thumb knows where the apps are. Your brain doesn't know why.
EXPIRES NEVER
CONTEXT COLLAPSE
Your boss and your ex see the same posts
PEAK CONTENT
Everything that can be posted has been posted
But you'll post anyway
AUTHENTICITY ALERT
Contains 0% organic engagement. Artificially flavored interactions.
May contain bots
URGENT
REPLY PARALYSIS
Crafting perfect response. Conversation died 3 days ago.
REVISED
CHRONOLOGICAL WARNING
The year is still 2019 in your drafts folder
FINAL WARNING
DOPAMINE WARNING
Intermittent reinforcement schedule in progress
More addictive than intended
v3.14.592
LEGACY CODE
Your personality is running on deprecated software
Last updated: 2012
EXPIRES NEVER
PRODUCTIVITY PARADOX
Reading this reduces productivity by 12%. Reading about productivity reduces it by 47%.
SEMANTIC SATIATION
Words lose meaning after 50 tweets. You're at 49.
BANDWIDTH EXCEEDED
Cannot care about additional crisis at this time
URGENT
OPTIMIZATION OVERLOAD
You've spent 3 hours organizing. 0 hours doing.
REVISED
METAPHYSICAL ALERT
The algorithm dreams of electric sheep. You are the sheep.
FINAL WARNING
NOTIFICATION WITHDRAWAL
Silence may cause phantom vibrations and existential dread
v3.14.592
ALGORITHM ALERT
The machine knows you better than you know yourself
Resistance is futile
EXPIRES NEVER
MEMORY LEAK
Your browser history remembers what you'd rather forget
Incognito mode is a lie
LINK ROT WARNING
This link will die before you do
RELATIONSHIP HAZARD
Typing indicators have ruined 47% of friendships
Statistics definitely made up
URGENT
LATENCY WARNING
Your reaction is 3 seconds behind everyone else's reality
REVISED
TEMPORAL HAZARD
Scrolling may cause temporal displacement. Hours become minutes.
Time perception permanently altered
FINAL WARNING
REACTION REQUIRED
Failure to emoji may be interpreted as hostility
v3.14.592
PRIVACY EXTINCT
Your data has been harvested. Thank you for your cooperation.
EXPIRES NEVER
FORMAT ERROR
Your genuine emotion has been autocorrected
INFINITE LOOP
Check phone → Nothing new → Check phone
VERSION CONFLICT
The person you were 5 minutes ago already posted this
URGENT
SELF-EROSION
Comparing yourself to others may cause instant inadequacy
REVISED
RECURSIVE DANGER
Warning: This warning warns about warnings
FINAL WARNING
TASTE FLATTENING
Everyone likes the same 5 things now
v3.14.592
PARA-SOCIAL HAZARD
They don't know you exist. You know their breakfast.
EXPIRES NEVER
CACHE POISONING
Targeted ads know about the thing you thought about once
We saw that hover
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
404: Meaning not found. Continue anyway?
METRICS POISONING
The number going up doesn't mean what you think it means
URGENT
SOCIAL CAUTION
Seen at 2:47 AM. Response time under surveillance.
REVISED
ETERNAL SEPTEMBER
It's always someone's first day on the internet
Welcome, again
FINAL WARNING
MORTALITY REMINDER
This account may outlive you. Plan accordingly.
v3.14.592
ATTENTION THEFT
This notification is stealing 4.7 seconds of your finite life
EXPIRES NEVER
DIGITAL HOARDING
30,000 photos. You look at 5.
Storage full. Again.
FORMAT OBSOLETE
Remember Flash? Your content doesn't.
IDENTITY CRISIS
Profile picture does not match current reality
Taken 5 years ago
URGENT
QUANTUM WARNING
This content exists in superposition until observed
REVISED
LOADING ERROR
Buffering... but your life continues at normal speed
FINAL WARNING
TRACKING NOTICE
This interaction will be stored for 7-∞ years
v3.14.592
FILTER BUBBLE
Reality may differ from your personalized experience
EXPIRES NEVER
UNCANNY VALLEY
This AI response feels almost human. Almost.
EXISTENTIAL DANGER
Your 2007 status update still exists somewhere
Digital permanence guaranteed
SHADOW PROFILE
You don't have an account, but we have your data
URGENT
FOCUS HAZARD
Multitasking is a myth. You're just doing everything badly.
REVISED
PERFORMANCE NOTICE
You are now performing your own life. Audience awareness is permanent.
FINAL WARNING
AMBIENT ANXIETY
Background radiation includes 47 unread notifications
v3.14.592
DEAD INTERNET
This reply guy might be three bots in a trench coat
EXPIRES NEVER
DEPENDENCY INJECTION
Cannot function without external validation service
Service currently unavailable
VOID WARRANTY
Staring into the feed voids warranty on existence
COGNITIVE HAZARD
Reduces attention span to goldfish levels. Results may vary.
8 seconds and counting
URGENT
CONTEXT SWITCHING
17 tabs open. 0 thoughts complete.
REVISED
MUSCLE MEMORY
Your thumb knows where the apps are. Your brain doesn't know why.
FINAL WARNING
CONTEXT COLLAPSE
Your boss and your ex see the same posts
v3.14.592
PEAK CONTENT
Everything that can be posted has been posted
But you'll post anyway
EXPIRES NEVER
AUTHENTICITY ALERT
Contains 0% organic engagement. Artificially flavored interactions.
May contain bots
REPLY PARALYSIS
Crafting perfect response. Conversation died 3 days ago.
CHRONOLOGICAL WARNING
The year is still 2019 in your drafts folder
URGENT
DOPAMINE WARNING
Intermittent reinforcement schedule in progress
More addictive than intended
REVISED
LEGACY CODE
Your personality is running on deprecated software
Last updated: 2012
FINAL WARNING
PRODUCTIVITY PARADOX
Reading this reduces productivity by 12%. Reading about productivity reduces it by 47%.
v3.14.592
SEMANTIC SATIATION
Words lose meaning after 50 tweets. You're at 49.
EXPIRES NEVER
BANDWIDTH EXCEEDED
Cannot care about additional crisis at this time
OPTIMIZATION OVERLOAD
You've spent 3 hours organizing. 0 hours doing.
METAPHYSICAL ALERT
The algorithm dreams of electric sheep. You are the sheep.
URGENT
NOTIFICATION WITHDRAWAL
Silence may cause phantom vibrations and existential dread
REVISED
ALGORITHM ALERT
The machine knows you better than you know yourself
Resistance is futile
FINAL WARNING
MEMORY LEAK
Your browser history remembers what you'd rather forget
Incognito mode is a lie
v3.14.592
LINK ROT WARNING
This link will die before you do
EXPIRES NEVER
RELATIONSHIP HAZARD
Typing indicators have ruined 47% of friendships
Statistics definitely made up
LATENCY WARNING
Your reaction is 3 seconds behind everyone else's reality
TEMPORAL HAZARD
Scrolling may cause temporal displacement. Hours become minutes.
Time perception permanently altered
URGENT
REACTION REQUIRED
Failure to emoji may be interpreted as hostility
REVISED
PRIVACY EXTINCT
Your data has been harvested. Thank you for your cooperation.
FINAL WARNING
FORMAT ERROR
Your genuine emotion has been autocorrected
v3.14.592
INFINITE LOOP
Check phone → Nothing new → Check phone
EXPIRES NEVER
VERSION CONFLICT
The person you were 5 minutes ago already posted this
SELF-EROSION
Comparing yourself to others may cause instant inadequacy
RECURSIVE DANGER
Warning: This warning warns about warnings
URGENT
TASTE FLATTENING
Everyone likes the same 5 things now
REVISED
PARA-SOCIAL HAZARD
They don't know you exist. You know their breakfast.
FINAL WARNING
CACHE POISONING
Targeted ads know about the thing you thought about once
We saw that hover
v3.14.592
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
404: Meaning not found. Continue anyway?
EXPIRES NEVER
METRICS POISONING
The number going up doesn't mean what you think it means
SOCIAL CAUTION
Seen at 2:47 AM. Response time under surveillance.
ETERNAL SEPTEMBER
It's always someone's first day on the internet
Welcome, again
URGENT
MORTALITY REMINDER
This account may outlive you. Plan accordingly.
REVISED
ATTENTION THEFT
This notification is stealing 4.7 seconds of your finite life
FINAL WARNING
DIGITAL HOARDING
30,000 photos. You look at 5.
Storage full. Again.
v3.14.592
FORMAT OBSOLETE
Remember Flash? Your content doesn't.
EXPIRES NEVER
IDENTITY CRISIS
Profile picture does not match current reality
Taken 5 years ago
QUANTUM WARNING
This content exists in superposition until observed
LOADING ERROR
Buffering... but your life continues at normal speed
URGENT
TRACKING NOTICE
This interaction will be stored for 7-∞ years
REVISED
FILTER BUBBLE
Reality may differ from your personalized experience
FINAL WARNING
UNCANNY VALLEY
This AI response feels almost human. Almost.
v3.14.592
EXISTENTIAL DANGER
Your 2007 status update still exists somewhere
Digital permanence guaranteed
EXPIRES NEVER
SHADOW PROFILE
You don't have an account, but we have your data
FOCUS HAZARD
Multitasking is a myth. You're just doing everything badly.
PERFORMANCE NOTICE
You are now performing your own life. Audience awareness is permanent.
URGENT
AMBIENT ANXIETY
Background radiation includes 47 unread notifications
REVISED
DEAD INTERNET
This reply guy might be three bots in a trench coat
FINAL WARNING
DEPENDENCY INJECTION
Cannot function without external validation service
Service currently unavailable
v3.14.592
VOID WARRANTY
Staring into the feed voids warranty on existence
EXPIRES NEVER
COGNITIVE HAZARD
Reduces attention span to goldfish levels. Results may vary.
8 seconds and counting
CONTEXT SWITCHING
17 tabs open. 0 thoughts complete.
MUSCLE MEMORY
Your thumb knows where the apps are. Your brain doesn't know why.
URGENT
CONTEXT COLLAPSE
Your boss and your ex see the same posts
REVISED
PEAK CONTENT
Everything that can be posted has been posted
But you'll post anyway
FINAL WARNING
AUTHENTICITY ALERT
Contains 0% organic engagement. Artificially flavored interactions.
May contain bots
v3.14.592
REPLY PARALYSIS
Crafting perfect response. Conversation died 3 days ago.
EXPIRES NEVER
CHRONOLOGICAL WARNING
The year is still 2019 in your drafts folder
DOPAMINE WARNING
Intermittent reinforcement schedule in progress
More addictive than intended
LEGACY CODE
Your personality is running on deprecated software
Last updated: 2012
URGENT
PRODUCTIVITY PARADOX
Reading this reduces productivity by 12%. Reading about productivity reduces it by 47%.
REVISED
SEMANTIC SATIATION
Words lose meaning after 50 tweets. You're at 49.
FINAL WARNING
BANDWIDTH EXCEEDED
Cannot care about additional crisis at this time
v3.14.592
OPTIMIZATION OVERLOAD
You've spent 3 hours organizing. 0 hours doing.
EXPIRES NEVER
METAPHYSICAL ALERT
The algorithm dreams of electric sheep. You are the sheep.
NOTIFICATION WITHDRAWAL
Silence may cause phantom vibrations and existential dread
ALGORITHM ALERT
The machine knows you better than you know yourself
Resistance is futile
URGENT
MEMORY LEAK
Your browser history remembers what you'd rather forget
Incognito mode is a lie
REVISED
LINK ROT WARNING
This link will die before you do
FINAL WARNING
RELATIONSHIP HAZARD
Typing indicators have ruined 47% of friendships
Statistics definitely made up
v3.14.592
LATENCY WARNING
Your reaction is 3 seconds behind everyone else's reality
EXPIRES NEVER
TEMPORAL HAZARD
Scrolling may cause temporal displacement. Hours become minutes.
Time perception permanently altered
REACTION REQUIRED
Failure to emoji may be interpreted as hostility
PRIVACY EXTINCT
Your data has been harvested. Thank you for your cooperation.
URGENT
FORMAT ERROR
Your genuine emotion has been autocorrected
REVISED
INFINITE LOOP
Check phone → Nothing new → Check phone
FINAL WARNING
VERSION CONFLICT
The person you were 5 minutes ago already posted this
v3.14.592
SELF-EROSION
Comparing yourself to others may cause instant inadequacy
EXPIRES NEVER
RECURSIVE DANGER
Warning: This warning warns about warnings
TASTE FLATTENING
Everyone likes the same 5 things now
PARA-SOCIAL HAZARD
They don't know you exist. You know their breakfast.
URGENT
CACHE POISONING
Targeted ads know about the thing you thought about once
We saw that hover
REVISED
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
404: Meaning not found. Continue anyway?
FINAL WARNING
METRICS POISONING
The number going up doesn't mean what you think it means
v3.14.592
SOCIAL CAUTION
Seen at 2:47 AM. Response time under surveillance.
EXPIRES NEVER
ETERNAL SEPTEMBER
It's always someone's first day on the internet
Welcome, again
MORTALITY REMINDER
This account may outlive you. Plan accordingly.
ATTENTION THEFT
This notification is stealing 4.7 seconds of your finite life
URGENT
DIGITAL HOARDING
30,000 photos. You look at 5.
Storage full. Again.
REVISED
FORMAT OBSOLETE
Remember Flash? Your content doesn't.
FINAL WARNING
IDENTITY CRISIS
Profile picture does not match current reality
Taken 5 years ago
v3.14.592
QUANTUM WARNING
This content exists in superposition until observed
EXPIRES NEVER
LOADING ERROR
Buffering... but your life continues at normal speed
TRACKING NOTICE
This interaction will be stored for 7-∞ years
FILTER BUBBLE
Reality may differ from your personalized experience
URGENT
UNCANNY VALLEY
This AI response feels almost human. Almost.
REVISED
EXISTENTIAL DANGER
Your 2007 status update still exists somewhere
Digital permanence guaranteed
FINAL WARNING
SHADOW PROFILE
You don't have an account, but we have your data
v3.14.592
FOCUS HAZARD
Multitasking is a myth. You're just doing everything badly.
EXPIRES NEVER
PERFORMANCE NOTICE
You are now performing your own life. Audience awareness is permanent.
AMBIENT ANXIETY
Background radiation includes 47 unread notifications
DEAD INTERNET
This reply guy might be three bots in a trench coat
URGENT
DEPENDENCY INJECTION
Cannot function without external validation service
Service currently unavailable
REVISED
VOID WARRANTY
Staring into the feed voids warranty on existence
FINAL WARNING
COGNITIVE HAZARD
Reduces attention span to goldfish levels. Results may vary.
8 seconds and counting
v3.14.592
CONTEXT SWITCHING
17 tabs open. 0 thoughts complete.
EXPIRES NEVER
MUSCLE MEMORY
Your thumb knows where the apps are. Your brain doesn't know why.
CONTEXT COLLAPSE
Your boss and your ex see the same posts
PEAK CONTENT
Everything that can be posted has been posted
But you'll post anyway
URGENT
AUTHENTICITY ALERT
Contains 0% organic engagement. Artificially flavored interactions.
May contain bots
REVISED
REPLY PARALYSIS
Crafting perfect response. Conversation died 3 days ago.
FINAL WARNING
CHRONOLOGICAL WARNING
The year is still 2019 in your drafts folder
v3.14.592
DOPAMINE WARNING
Intermittent reinforcement schedule in progress
More addictive than intended
EXPIRES NEVER
LEGACY CODE
Your personality is running on deprecated software
Last updated: 2012
PRODUCTIVITY PARADOX
Reading this reduces productivity by 12%. Reading about productivity reduces it by 47%.
SEMANTIC SATIATION
Words lose meaning after 50 tweets. You're at 49.
URGENT
BANDWIDTH EXCEEDED
Cannot care about additional crisis at this time
REVISED
OPTIMIZATION OVERLOAD
You've spent 3 hours organizing. 0 hours doing.
FINAL WARNING
METAPHYSICAL ALERT
The algorithm dreams of electric sheep. You are the sheep.
v3.14.592
NOTIFICATION WITHDRAWAL
Silence may cause phantom vibrations and existential dread
EXPIRES NEVER
ALGORITHM ALERT
The machine knows you better than you know yourself
Resistance is futile
MEMORY LEAK
Your browser history remembers what you'd rather forget
Incognito mode is a lie
LINK ROT WARNING
This link will die before you do
URGENT
RELATIONSHIP HAZARD
Typing indicators have ruined 47% of friendships
Statistics definitely made up
REVISED
LATENCY WARNING
Your reaction is 3 seconds behind everyone else's reality
FINAL WARNING
TEMPORAL HAZARD
Scrolling may cause temporal displacement. Hours become minutes.
Time perception permanently altered
v3.14.592
REACTION REQUIRED
Failure to emoji may be interpreted as hostility
EXPIRES NEVER
PRIVACY EXTINCT
Your data has been harvested. Thank you for your cooperation.
FORMAT ERROR
Your genuine emotion has been autocorrected
INFINITE LOOP
Check phone → Nothing new → Check phone
URGENT
VERSION CONFLICT
The person you were 5 minutes ago already posted this
REVISED
SELF-EROSION
Comparing yourself to others may cause instant inadequacy
FINAL WARNING
RECURSIVE DANGER
Warning: This warning warns about warnings
v3.14.592
TASTE FLATTENING
Everyone likes the same 5 things now
EXPIRES NEVER
PARA-SOCIAL HAZARD
They don't know you exist. You know their breakfast.
CACHE POISONING
Targeted ads know about the thing you thought about once
We saw that hover
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
404: Meaning not found. Continue anyway?
URGENT
METRICS POISONING
The number going up doesn't mean what you think it means
REVISED
SOCIAL CAUTION
Seen at 2:47 AM. Response time under surveillance.
FINAL WARNING
ETERNAL SEPTEMBER
It's always someone's first day on the internet
Welcome, again
v3.14.592
MORTALITY REMINDER
This account may outlive you. Plan accordingly.
EXPIRES NEVER
ATTENTION THEFT
This notification is stealing 4.7 seconds of your finite life
DIGITAL HOARDING
30,000 photos. You look at 5.
Storage full. Again.
FORMAT OBSOLETE
Remember Flash? Your content doesn't.
URGENT
IDENTITY CRISIS
Profile picture does not match current reality
Taken 5 years ago
REVISED
QUANTUM WARNING
This content exists in superposition until observed
FINAL WARNING
LOADING ERROR
Buffering... but your life continues at normal speed
v3.14.592
TRACKING NOTICE
This interaction will be stored for 7-∞ years
EXPIRES NEVER
FILTER BUBBLE
Reality may differ from your personalized experience
UNCANNY VALLEY
This AI response feels almost human. Almost.
EXISTENTIAL DANGER
Your 2007 status update still exists somewhere
Digital permanence guaranteed
URGENT
SHADOW PROFILE
You don't have an account, but we have your data
REVISED
FOCUS HAZARD
Multitasking is a myth. You're just doing everything badly.
FINAL WARNING
PERFORMANCE NOTICE
You are now performing your own life. Audience awareness is permanent.
v3.14.592
AMBIENT ANXIETY
Background radiation includes 47 unread notifications
EXPIRES NEVER
DEAD INTERNET
This reply guy might be three bots in a trench coat
DEPENDENCY INJECTION
Cannot function without external validation service
Service currently unavailable
VOID WARRANTY
Staring into the feed voids warranty on existence
URGENT
COGNITIVE HAZARD
Reduces attention span to goldfish levels. Results may vary.
8 seconds and counting
REVISED
CONTEXT SWITCHING
17 tabs open. 0 thoughts complete.
FINAL WARNING
MUSCLE MEMORY
Your thumb knows where the apps are. Your brain doesn't know why.
v3.14.592
CONTEXT COLLAPSE
Your boss and your ex see the same posts
EXPIRES NEVER
PEAK CONTENT
Everything that can be posted has been posted
But you'll post anyway
AUTHENTICITY ALERT
Contains 0% organic engagement. Artificially flavored interactions.
May contain bots
REPLY PARALYSIS
Crafting perfect response. Conversation died 3 days ago.
URGENT
CHRONOLOGICAL WARNING
The year is still 2019 in your drafts folder
REVISED
DOPAMINE WARNING
Intermittent reinforcement schedule in progress
More addictive than intended
FINAL WARNING
LEGACY CODE
Your personality is running on deprecated software
Last updated: 2012
v3.14.592
PRODUCTIVITY PARADOX
Reading this reduces productivity by 12%. Reading about productivity reduces it by 47%.
EXPIRES NEVER
SEMANTIC SATIATION
Words lose meaning after 50 tweets. You're at 49.
BANDWIDTH EXCEEDED
Cannot care about additional crisis at this time
OPTIMIZATION OVERLOAD
You've spent 3 hours organizing. 0 hours doing.
URGENT
METAPHYSICAL ALERT
The algorithm dreams of electric sheep. You are the sheep.
REVISED
NOTIFICATION WITHDRAWAL
Silence may cause phantom vibrations and existential dread
FINAL WARNING
ALGORITHM ALERT
The machine knows you better than you know yourself
Resistance is futile
v3.14.592
MEMORY LEAK
Your browser history remembers what you'd rather forget
Incognito mode is a lie
EXPIRES NEVER
LINK ROT WARNING
This link will die before you do
RELATIONSHIP HAZARD
Typing indicators have ruined 47% of friendships
Statistics definitely made up
LATENCY WARNING
Your reaction is 3 seconds behind everyone else's reality
URGENT
TEMPORAL HAZARD
Scrolling may cause temporal displacement. Hours become minutes.
Time perception permanently altered
REVISED
REACTION REQUIRED
Failure to emoji may be interpreted as hostility
FINAL WARNING
PRIVACY EXTINCT
Your data has been harvested. Thank you for your cooperation.
v3.14.592
FORMAT ERROR
Your genuine emotion has been autocorrected
EXPIRES NEVER
INFINITE LOOP
Check phone → Nothing new → Check phone
VERSION CONFLICT
The person you were 5 minutes ago already posted this
SELF-EROSION
Comparing yourself to others may cause instant inadequacy
URGENT
RECURSIVE DANGER
Warning: This warning warns about warnings
REVISED
TASTE FLATTENING
Everyone likes the same 5 things now
FINAL WARNING
PARA-SOCIAL HAZARD
They don't know you exist. You know their breakfast.
v3.14.592
CACHE POISONING
Targeted ads know about the thing you thought about once
We saw that hover
EXPIRES NEVER
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
404: Meaning not found. Continue anyway?
METRICS POISONING
The number going up doesn't mean what you think it means
SOCIAL CAUTION
Seen at 2:47 AM. Response time under surveillance.
URGENT
ETERNAL SEPTEMBER
It's always someone's first day on the internet
Welcome, again
REVISED
MORTALITY REMINDER
This account may outlive you. Plan accordingly.
FINAL WARNING
ATTENTION THEFT
This notification is stealing 4.7 seconds of your finite life
v3.14.592
DIGITAL HOARDING
30,000 photos. You look at 5.
Storage full. Again.
EXPIRES NEVER
FORMAT OBSOLETE
Remember Flash? Your content doesn't.
IDENTITY CRISIS
Profile picture does not match current reality
Taken 5 years ago
QUANTUM WARNING
This content exists in superposition until observed
URGENT
LOADING ERROR
Buffering... but your life continues at normal speed
REVISED
TRACKING NOTICE
This interaction will be stored for 7-∞ years
FINAL WARNING
FILTER BUBBLE
Reality may differ from your personalized experience
v3.14.592
UNCANNY VALLEY
This AI response feels almost human. Almost.
EXPIRES NEVER
EXISTENTIAL DANGER
Your 2007 status update still exists somewhere
Digital permanence guaranteed
SHADOW PROFILE
You don't have an account, but we have your data
FOCUS HAZARD
Multitasking is a myth. You're just doing everything badly.
URGENT
PERFORMANCE NOTICE
You are now performing your own life. Audience awareness is permanent.
REVISED
AMBIENT ANXIETY
Background radiation includes 47 unread notifications
FINAL WARNING
DEAD INTERNET
This reply guy might be three bots in a trench coat
v3.14.592
DEPENDENCY INJECTION
Cannot function without external validation service
Service currently unavailable
EXPIRES NEVER
VOID WARRANTY
Staring into the feed voids warranty on existence
COGNITIVE HAZARD
Reduces attention span to goldfish levels. Results may vary.
8 seconds and counting
CONTEXT SWITCHING
17 tabs open. 0 thoughts complete.
URGENT
MUSCLE MEMORY
Your thumb knows where the apps are. Your brain doesn't know why.
REVISED
CONTEXT COLLAPSE
Your boss and your ex see the same posts
FINAL WARNING
PEAK CONTENT
Everything that can be posted has been posted
But you'll post anyway
v3.14.592
AUTHENTICITY ALERT
Contains 0% organic engagement. Artificially flavored interactions.
May contain bots
EXPIRES NEVER
REPLY PARALYSIS
Crafting perfect response. Conversation died 3 days ago.
CHRONOLOGICAL WARNING
The year is still 2019 in your drafts folder
DOPAMINE WARNING
Intermittent reinforcement schedule in progress
More addictive than intended
URGENT
LEGACY CODE
Your personality is running on deprecated software
Last updated: 2012
REVISED
PRODUCTIVITY PARADOX
Reading this reduces productivity by 12%. Reading about productivity reduces it by 47%.
FINAL WARNING
SEMANTIC SATIATION
Words lose meaning after 50 tweets. You're at 49.
v3.14.592
BANDWIDTH EXCEEDED
Cannot care about additional crisis at this time
EXPIRES NEVER
OPTIMIZATION OVERLOAD
You've spent 3 hours organizing. 0 hours doing.
METAPHYSICAL ALERT
The algorithm dreams of electric sheep. You are the sheep.
NOTIFICATION WITHDRAWAL
Silence may cause phantom vibrations and existential dread
URGENT
ALGORITHM ALERT
The machine knows you better than you know yourself
Resistance is futile
REVISED
MEMORY LEAK
Your browser history remembers what you'd rather forget
Incognito mode is a lie
FINAL WARNING
LINK ROT WARNING
This link will die before you do
v3.14.592
RELATIONSHIP HAZARD
Typing indicators have ruined 47% of friendships
Statistics definitely made up
EXPIRES NEVER
LATENCY WARNING
Your reaction is 3 seconds behind everyone else's reality
TEMPORAL HAZARD
Scrolling may cause temporal displacement. Hours become minutes.
Time perception permanently altered
REACTION REQUIRED
Failure to emoji may be interpreted as hostility
URGENT
PRIVACY EXTINCT
Your data has been harvested. Thank you for your cooperation.
REVISED
FORMAT ERROR
Your genuine emotion has been autocorrected
FINAL WARNING
INFINITE LOOP
Check phone → Nothing new → Check phone
v3.14.592
VERSION CONFLICT
The person you were 5 minutes ago already posted this
EXPIRES NEVER
SELF-EROSION
Comparing yourself to others may cause instant inadequacy
RECURSIVE DANGER
Warning: This warning warns about warnings
TASTE FLATTENING
Everyone likes the same 5 things now
URGENT
PARA-SOCIAL HAZARD
They don't know you exist. You know their breakfast.
REVISED
CACHE POISONING
Targeted ads know about the thing you thought about once
We saw that hover
FINAL WARNING
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
404: Meaning not found. Continue anyway?
v3.14.592
METRICS POISONING
The number going up doesn't mean what you think it means
EXPIRES NEVER
SOCIAL CAUTION
Seen at 2:47 AM. Response time under surveillance.
ETERNAL SEPTEMBER
It's always someone's first day on the internet
Welcome, again
MORTALITY REMINDER
This account may outlive you. Plan accordingly.
URGENT
ATTENTION THEFT
This notification is stealing 4.7 seconds of your finite life
REVISED
DIGITAL HOARDING
30,000 photos. You look at 5.
Storage full. Again.
FINAL WARNING
FORMAT OBSOLETE
Remember Flash? Your content doesn't.
v3.14.592
IDENTITY CRISIS
Profile picture does not match current reality
Taken 5 years ago
EXPIRES NEVER
QUANTUM WARNING
This content exists in superposition until observed
LOADING ERROR
Buffering... but your life continues at normal speed
TRACKING NOTICE
This interaction will be stored for 7-∞ years
URGENT
FILTER BUBBLE
Reality may differ from your personalized experience
REVISED
UNCANNY VALLEY
This AI response feels almost human. Almost.
FINAL WARNING
EXISTENTIAL DANGER
Your 2007 status update still exists somewhere
Digital permanence guaranteed
v3.14.592
SHADOW PROFILE
You don't have an account, but we have your data
EXPIRES NEVER
FOCUS HAZARD
Multitasking is a myth. You're just doing everything badly.
PERFORMANCE NOTICE
You are now performing your own life. Audience awareness is permanent.
AMBIENT ANXIETY
Background radiation includes 47 unread notifications
URGENT
DEAD INTERNET
This reply guy might be three bots in a trench coat
REVISED
DEPENDENCY INJECTION
Cannot function without external validation service
Service currently unavailable
FINAL WARNING
VOID WARRANTY
Staring into the feed voids warranty on existence
v3.14.592
COGNITIVE HAZARD
Reduces attention span to goldfish levels. Results may vary.
8 seconds and counting
EXPIRES NEVER
CONTEXT SWITCHING
17 tabs open. 0 thoughts complete.
MUSCLE MEMORY
Your thumb knows where the apps are. Your brain doesn't know why.
CONTEXT COLLAPSE
Your boss and your ex see the same posts
URGENT
PEAK CONTENT
Everything that can be posted has been posted
But you'll post anyway
REVISED
AUTHENTICITY ALERT
Contains 0% organic engagement. Artificially flavored interactions.
May contain bots
FINAL WARNING
REPLY PARALYSIS
Crafting perfect response. Conversation died 3 days ago.
v3.14.592
CHRONOLOGICAL WARNING
The year is still 2019 in your drafts folder
EXPIRES NEVER
DOPAMINE WARNING
Intermittent reinforcement schedule in progress
More addictive than intended
LEGACY CODE
Your personality is running on deprecated software
Last updated: 2012
PRODUCTIVITY PARADOX
Reading this reduces productivity by 12%. Reading about productivity reduces it by 47%.
URGENT
SEMANTIC SATIATION
Words lose meaning after 50 tweets. You're at 49.
REVISED
BANDWIDTH EXCEEDED
Cannot care about additional crisis at this time
FINAL WARNING